It's just amazing how preparing to be a mother has brought me such new insight on life and God's Plan. Although I can't see my sweet baby dallen, or hear him-I can feel him physically, but more so Spiritually. Kirk and I, together, personally believe in our hearts that the Spirit enters the body when the heart beats for the first time. I know that there really is an added sweetness, peacefulness and love that has grown over me these last 27 weeks. Part of that is my own personal prep to receive into our home Gods greatest creation, but also because my body has become a temple for an angel inside me...
I had a beautifully heart aching dream last night about my sweet husband and I. I dreamt that we had 5 little kids under 10 years old and life was so good to us. Then one day we found out that I had a terminal illness, and it was only a matter of time that I had left with my family on this earth. In my dream I went through the motions of knowing my Sweetheart needed to find another woman to raise our children. I knew that it was important for my children to know that I love their father, and that I could accept another woman to take my place. I felt that if they knew I accepted their 'new mom', they would be okay-our family would be happy-and this transition would be easier. So I began to keep my eye out for someone who met my standards as a wife and mother... I did find someone who I remember commenting to Kirk was " as beautiful spiritually as she is physically"... Her name was Annabelle. As hard as it was, I knew that Kirk would (and needed too) take her to the temple (after i died) so she could be part of our eternal family, and our children could grow up knowing this was their forever family too... there's so much more detail that goes into this dream... It was an emotional battle inside. It became such an emotional struggle for kirk [to face this new reality-that his bride would soon pass away and he needed to try to open his heart again-] that he said in the dream "If another woman ever comes close to our family, I'm going to shoot her with my BB-gun!" (awww I needed that comic relief last night haha) But when I woke up I couldn't help but be sooo grateful for the power of Temple Sealings. I know that no matter what happens, I will be with my husband and children forever. I could never let myself forfreit that blessing! I'm also grateful that men can be sealed to more than one woman, even though sometimes it can be a hard concept to grasp...but I love this gospel. I love my Heavenly Father and I honor His plan. I know His plan is one of Happiness, unreachable on earth. I know that my mind can't comprehend all the wonderous things of the Lord, but I have faith. I would be lost without the testimony I have built. Our family is forever :)
Although I was sad in my dream to leave my Companion and family... I knew it was a short time only...and HF wouldn't let me miss out...
When I woke up, of course, my mind was flooded with thoughts and feelings... I told my Sweetheart about my dream through tears. He wrapped me up tight and kissed my head, "Nobody else is going to raise our children babe." His voice sounds so good... And he's surely right :)
.... It was as if HF was testing me through a dream... :)
Thank you
for letting me be the mother
of your children,
Babe.
POL
